Consciously Co-working

I recently noticed that my friends and I talk about romantic love a lot. Don’t get me wrong, we also talk about work, food, art and so many other things. But the topic of love comes up often. We make jokes, we ask questions, we analyse. We gossip, we contemplate. We discuss the best and the worst of our own long-term relationships, situationships, recent dates or lack of. We speculate about the love lives of others. But in the limited time that our lives and schedules allow us, we only ever manage to cover the headlines, or as one of my guy friends calls it “the five-mark precis”. One story ends at happily-ever-after (or unhappily) and the group chat moves on to the next.

What we rarely talk about are the regular moments of connection, the boring logistics and the simple rituals that not only shape a relationship but also sustain it. A big factor in all of this, of course, is space. Emotionally, this could look like quietly listening to your partner vent about something, or socialising separately sometimes to avoid getting saturated with each other’s company. Physically, it could mean switching to single duvets in the same bed, making space on a bathroom shelf, or finding a connection through touch. How a couple chooses to give each other space and share it has financial implications too. Space is a luxury that many cannot afford.

The way we live, love and work has changed tremendously since the lines between home and office have blurred. When my partner and I moved to rural Gujarat to run a farm together, we thought we were on our way to living our dream life. While I can still say that this is true, I will also acknowledge that it is very different from what we had imagined. It took a lot of fights and subsequent communication to figure out that working in separate realms and spending a good chunk of the day apart suits us. We also realised that we both feel content when we convene through the day to drink our morning coffee, eat our meals, nap in the afternoon and wind down at night together.

And because even after five years of sharing a space we are constantly negotiating how to keep things smooth sailing, I want to hear from other couples who are in a similar boat. Juggling one’s work and a relationship, amongst other things, can be challenging enough as it is. So how do the couples doing both in the same space make it work, and why?

For some couples it is the most natural thing. When visual artist Shreya Josh and DJ-music producer Rohan Kale were setting up their current 3BHK studio in Gurugram after six years of working from the same room, they went about it with a healthy balance of pragmatism — be upfront with your broker and only invest in superficial improvements that you can take with you in the future. Being married helped their case with apprehensive landlords. But their marriage didn’t only legitimise their lease. It has also brought a sense of security and constant support into their lives, allowing them to focus on and grow their respective careers. Today, together, the creative couple is not only building a shared studio but also nurturing an open and welcoming space for their clients-turned-community to express their creative side — and also making new friends by hosting sober events centred around food, music and sustainable fashion. Boundaries are not fixed but always addressed. Their only rule: go home at the end of the night.

Some find it comforting to have their partners nearby to celebrate wins and tide over tough times. On any given day, pastry chef Mallika Tandon and music archivist Nishant Mittal go about their work on either side of a wall without saying much to each other. But ask either, and they wouldn’t have it any other way. The shy couple has found the perfect set-up for their relationship. They share a lease, a yellow ceiling and an autorickshaw ride back home in the evenings, but their electricity meters are separate. Any investments they make in their studio in Shahpur Jat –– professional-grade equipment for Tandon’s kitchen or custom-made display racks for the merchandise stocked in Mittal’s record store –– are mutually decided and considered to benefit both. Their biggest blessing: seeing first-hand how passionately their partner shows up to work and appreciating each other all the more for it.

And, sometimes, it takes sharing two spaces and separate leases to build a sanctuary for couples who don’t subscribe to traditional models of commitment. Within the peaceful confines of their lofty duplex in Saket, designer and performance artiste Ishaan Bharat and communications consultant Abhishek Desai freely embrace fluidity in their identity and their use of the space. On weekdays, they follow different routines and find themselves on  different floors working their day jobs –– Bharat works on projects for his interior design practice, Sector Form, downstairs and Desai takes calls for his non-profit communications work in the study-cum-library upstairs. When they collaborate on drag costumes they sit around the sewing machine. On weekends, they lounge in the living room with a tune playing in the background to nurse their hangovers after a night of partying with friends. Movie nights are spent in front of the television which is in their other apartment. They derive the greatest comfort from the knowledge that they are not just lucky enough to share these spaces together but, more importantly, build a safe world for their most authentic selves.

At the links below, read how these creative couples are sharing their spaces.

Shreya Josh and Rohan Kale
Mallika Tandon and Nishant Mittal
Ishaan Bharat and Abhishek Desai