Tech-ing Over The World | Verve Magazine
India's premier luxury lifestyle women's magazine
December 14, 2015

Tech-ing Over The World

Text by Wyanet Vaz

Why we cringe at the idea of computers in clothes

On 21st October 2015, the Internet celebrated Back to the Future day — if you recall, Marty McFly and Doc Brown travel into the future, in the popular 1989 science fiction film. We may have failed to produce hoverboards and drone dog walkers, but when it came to those auto lace-up shoes, Nike didn’t fail to deliver. They sent the first real pair to Michael J. Fox, who has been flaunting it on his Twitter page.

If, like me, you are still no Star Trek cosplay fan, then we have to agree that these tech sneakers are no match for the furry Gucci loafers that don’t track your heartbeat or give you any life-altering information. Period.

Smartphones have become so much of an extension of ourselves and technology surrounds us to such an extent that a digital detox means scampering away to a no-network cave in South East Asia (whereas you could just turn off your phone). And just so that we don’t have to deal with a phantom phone syndrome, they’ve created Pants Interface which has the circuit sewn into your pants, and notifies you of every ‘like’ and comment. Really, the only thing necessary are diamonds outlining Juicy Couture pants.

This year, CES 2015 whipped out an array of wearables, one of which was a smart belt aimed at gourmands and which adjusts itself according to your waistline. But, what if I still want to wear my Dior belt that I know is strangling my stomach after the 10-course meal, but I still won’t loosen it because I need to look good even while I’m choking?

Trying to infuse vanity and technology, a QR tie with a barcode lets you share your resume or website by just flipping it. Now, even if we were at gunpoint, I don’t think anybody would scan a QR code. But, a graphic Zegna tie lying unperturbed on a Ryan Gosling lookalike is truly scannable.

A pretty smart move is the Apple Watch available with Hermès straps — subtle bait aimed at the fashion circle. And the most approved of wearables is the humble Fitbit, because it does what it is supposed to do — serves the basic purpose of tracking your steps (and it comes in various colours and camo prints) and doesn’t make you look like The Terminator.

But the eternal question is why should we be willing to spend our annual clothing budget at a tech expo, when we can be blowing it over the entire colour wheel at Tod’s? Is it really worth wearing a Google Glass just so you can call an Uber by blinking twice?

So, unless you are Tony Stark or your metal fixtures have been designed by Karl Lagerfeld, it will always be Chanel over cyborg.

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