Fliers Who Just Shouldn’t

Being irksome is inscribed in some people’s personalities. They can’t help it. Take these passengers for instance. It’s fascinating how completely oblivious they are to the choppy ripples they create by just being themselves.

The Slob

He forgets that he is just flying from one place to another and not diving outlandishly into a freshers’ party. And he even ends up trying to load up on that ‘free booze!’ Perhaps he should have taken the train instead where more money saved equals more alcohol bought or whatever.

Tip: If he does not stop with his incessant drunken chatter, someone might just get tempted into holding the door open for him, mid-air. Lending a parachute would be optional.

The Chimp

He can’t help pressing that shiny orange button like a monkey in a spacecraft. Often, he mistakes the stewards for his personal butlers. Perhaps he mistakenly believes they own a fancy stove in the back to correct those potatoes or have some magic dust to fluff pillows to another level of comfort.

Tip: He won’t altogether be wrong to believe in their ability to trip and spill an open can of OJ all over him, lest he challenges that then.

The Parrot

The flight is delayed. There is nothing he can say or do that will help solve the situation. Yet when he insists on nagging the airhostess every five minutes to ‘take off already’, he doesn’t only sound inanely vexing, but also deliciously smack-worthy.

Tip: If he is getting late for that meeting, he should enjoy the wonders of technology by pushing buttons on his mobile phone to inform them of the circumstances.

The Hog

Now a business class ticket is bought so we don’t have to travel like worms stuffed in a can. But he takes for granted that ‘extra space’ that ends at the seat’s hand-rest from where an imaginary line defines everything from the floor, all the way to the air above our chairs. Just because the person next to him is poised, he thinks he can slobber all over the place with his many bags and well, breath.

Tip: He can keep his elbows inside, because believe it or not, he is a human, not a sunbathing hippo.