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January 09, 2016

Craziest Bollywood Movies Names of 2015

Text by Zaral Shah

Some are inspired by songs, some by old hit films, while some are just plain zany

You’ve had one of those weeks, and demand nothing more from life than a decent Friday-night movie. You’re looking forward to action, drama or romance with a big bucket of wasabi popcorn. You think your movie-booking app downloaded a virus, when you are accosted with options like Yaara Silly Silly, Sharafat Gayi Tel Lene or Sabki Bajegi Band. There is no horror worse than a flick whose title screams ‘Proceed with Crocin’.

Bollywood churned out some atrociously imaginative titles in 2015. A rather creative approach to merging law lingo with the silver screen, Miss Tanakpur Haazir Ho, for whatever reason the scriptwriter deemed okay, told the story of a man being framed in the false rape case of a buffalo. Seeing as the use of anything ‘cow’ might have attracted a ban, the film-maker probably chose to proceed with the buffalo.

Four Pillars of Basement (grammar nerds, hold that outburst), a psychological thriller, had a plot so confusing that it was tough to tell where it ended. Movies like Sharafat Gayi Tel Lene and Chal Guru Ho Ja Shuru made you wonder why people were using daily slang as motivation to spin out an entire motion picture. Are we so desperately running out of options that even the trend of gracefully accepting song names as titles isn’t enough anymore? In cases like Om Shanti Om, Dil Dhadakne Do and Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge, they worked. Sometimes, of course, it also backfired. Like the time someone decided to take a hit Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone song and make it cringeworthy by adding the word zaalim to it (think Dilliwali Zaalim Girlfriend)!

Coffee Bloom is a story where love blossomed among coffee plantations, naturally. Kaagaz Ke Fools literally translates to ‘fools of paper’. All one can say here is that those who are naming the films should just stop and ponder about the fact that at some point, someone, somewhere in the world, may be seeing these movies with subtitles. Another movie Kuch Kuch Locha Hai learned a lesson the hard way — that changing one word in an iconic movie title does not make yours a cult classic.

This year-long experiment seems to imply that even for kids with a Mere Genie Uncle, not only will Sabki Bajegi Band, but also going to the movies will become a lot like going to just another wedding. You withstand the torture for the food. Unfortunately though, it’s not free.

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